Waiting For That Sucker To Show Up Already

Scrolling through my Facebook Feed is like a constant reminder of how everyone else is in a relationship, getting married or having a kid. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy for them but it makes me wonder if I will ever stumble on my better half; or am I going to be single for the rest of my life?

Now, I don’t plan on turning this into a full-blown pity-party (–they’re getting old). Admittedly, I’ve thrown myself a few of them in the past year. O.k. fine! I may or may not be guilty of spending a day or two… or five in bed watching YouTube Videos – the bad kind. I’m convinced I can’t be the only single girl out there who’s done this… Waking up at 10 a.m. and reaching for my iPad and typing www.youtube.com in the search engine with a swift click on the ENTER key. 0.22 seconds later, my screen is filled with clips of anything and everything. That’s the beauty of YouTube, you can find and watch anything you can think of… and honestly, most of the time, you’ll stumble upon a clip like “Guy-In-Banana-Suit-Riding-a-Uni-Cycle-On-The-Sidewalk”. (–to be honest, sometimes I wonder how these people find the time to actually record, edit and upload their videos. Some days, I can’t even find the time to throw my dirty clothes in the laundry basket, let alone film myself baking a chocolate cake just to blow it up in the backyard afterwards. I must have poor time-management skills. Sheesh.)

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Sidetracked. Where was I… Oh yea! My iPad screen was jam-packed with all sorts of videos, from makeup tutorials to stand-up comic performances. That’s when I saw IT – my eyes locked on it like a hawk grips its prey. My finger made their way to the screen and clicked on “World’s Sweetest Proposal Ever!” Oh puh-lease, like you’ve never done it?! Even you, not-so-single ladies, I’m sure you’ve browsed through the wide selection of wedding proposals once or twice. I mean – I’m sure the day your husband got down on one knee is a day you’ll never soon forget, but come on…. You can still watch and appreciate a guy proposing to his girlfriend mid-air as they’re skydiving from a plane 30 000 feet in the sky.

And for all of my single ladies, tell me you’ve never watched a few (–ok maybe a dozen) of these clips and wished that someday a guy would have the balls to plan out a week-long scavenger hunt which takes you to a sandy white beach on the Florida Coast as he proposes in front of a string quartet while dolphins are parading off the shore. –Don’t be ashamed, I’ve done it too. We have to entertain ourselves somehow, while we wait for that sucker to rack up the nerve and ask us out on a date, right?

The next thing I know, it’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I’ve watched 46 engagement videos and 15 “first dance” surprise choreographies with a full bag of Kernel’s Cheesy-Dill popcorn and a handful for kit-kat bites (**Side note to those of you who will be in my wedding party, don’t think you’ll be standing next to me at the altar but leaving me to fend for myself on the d-floor as I bust out some fresh moves to Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls. Sorry not sorry. I promise to pick out a flattering but inexpensive bridesmaid’s dress, but I can’t promise I won’t force you to join me in a spontaneously-planned dance number. There are some things in life you just can’t make happen. **)

I guess what I’m trying to say here is… it’s fine to indulge in a weekend-long wedding-proposal marathon; but the important thing is to not let it bring you down. I know how tempting it can be to slip into a whirlwind of “what’s-wrong-with-me? and why-am-I-still-single?” once you’ve turned into a serial-cutesy-video-watcher. BUT resist my friend, resist. The second you hit bottom of that bag of popcorn; it’s time to turn that computer off and go out and smell the roses (–o.k. so you might want to shower first, but once you’re squeaky-clean GET OUT and do something). Meet with a friend for coffee, or just mosey your way over to the coffee shop by yourself with your latest read in hand. You can’t wallow in singleton-self-pity forever. You definitely won’t meet Mr.Right while you’re “vegging out” in your kernel-covered bed (–unless he breaks in your apartment, but that would be weird. Unless you’re into dating “criminals”, than that’s a whole other story).

**SPECIAL NOTE to the guy who will have big enough kahunas to get down on one knee and propose, I’m expecting nothing less than a hot-air balloon ride over the Grand Canyon, as Bruno Mars serenades us with “Just The Way You Are”. Seems pretty reasonable, right? I’ll let you in on a little secret: pull out all the stops and you’re bound to be #gettinglucky (–that night, and maybe the next few after that. Mom, I hope you didn’t read that last part.**

 

M.

 

 

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